Sadness

I know Ive let you down
I am made sick by indifference
I cant roll back time
To gentler days
I cant change the weather
Waiting for the sun
Seems like forever
Frozen in my pain
Ashamed of my need
Or is it just greed
I become like those I despise
Hating myself,my apathy
I didnt plan this to be
After all that work and pain
Am I slowly drivng myself insane
Faith has disappeared
And I know what I could never be
It all conspires against me
So blatantly
Fear and struggling
Like a soldier in a mudfilled trench
This endless solitude
Falling through the cracks
Slowly but surely
The loneliness attacks
I hate these times
I cant roll back the years
Only look at pictures
And reread your letters in tears